God Clarifies Involvement in Accidents and Recoveries

RAPID CITY, SD – During a press conference at the Ramada Inn and Suites, God clarified some misconceptions about his involvement in recent accidents and recoveries.


Man Will Take Down Christmas Lights When He Feels Like It

MODESTO, CA – Local Man Dennis Clarke has told his family, friends and neighbors that he’ll take down his fucking Christmas lights when he fucking feels like it.


Local Kid Struggles to Explain Why Hanukkah is “Cool”

SAN JOSE, CA – Local Jewish boy James Kirkwood has been struggling to explain to his Christian friends why Hanukkah is better than Christmas.


Santa Claus has announced his retirement.

With One “Nice” Kid, Santa Annouces Retirement

NORTH POLE – After a year in which there was only one “nice” child, Santa Claus says he will officially retire from delivering toys to children on Christmas Eve.


Star Wars Rocks and Sticks is this year's hottest toy.

Toy Magazine Releases 2015’s List of Hottest Toys

NEW YORK, NY – Toy Aficionado magazine has released its annual “Best toys” list to aide parents looking for the best and hottest toys this holiday season. The list features a number of new toys as well as a couple “old favorites.”

“This season is all about Star Wars,” said Toy Aficionado magazine Senior Editor Hal Sweera. “Star Wars has put its name on just about everything. And while the action figures and Lego sets may get a lot of attention, but the best Star War toy is actually the Rocks and Sticks set.”


Pope Falls Short of Goal to See All 30 NFL Teams

WASHINGTON, DC – During his historic visit to the United States of America last month, the Pope was unable to meet one of his primary goals of the trip – see a football game in all 30 NFL stadiums.

The distance between the stadiums and the fact that most games are played on Sunday contributed to the Pope not reaching his goal.

“Much like God, I am a fan of the American football,” Pope Francis said.


Christ Still Waiting for Birthday Call from His Father

RENO, NV – For the 1,093rd year in a row Jesus Christ has not received a birthday gift or a call on his birthday from his father.


Several companies have filed lawsuits against Santa Claus claiming patent infringement.

Companies File Patent Lawsuit Against Santa

NORTH POLE – Several companies, including Apple and Mattel, have filed patent infringement lawsuits against Santa Claus.

The lawsuits claim that Claus is manufacturing and distributing toys that violate a number of patents. One toy cited in the lawsuit, Claus’s sPad, looks and functions very similar to Apple’s iPad.


Did a 6-year-old predict the rise of ISIS with this drawing?

Did 6-year-old Predict Rise of ISIS with This Picture?

ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The internet is buzzing after a recent blog post suggested a local 6-year-old predicted the rise of ISIS with a picture drawn three years ago.


Coworker Says “Merry Christmas” Too Aggressively

MODESTO, CA – Over the past several weeks local Christian Jerome Hopkins has been aggressively wishing co-workers a “merry Christmas,” regardless of his coworkers’ actual religious beliefs.


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