Microsoft Says Congress Wants to Ban Phones

SEATTLE, WA – Spokespeople for Microsoft have begun telling customers that the United States government will soon prohibit the sales of Microsoft Windows phones so customers should stock up on the phones now, while they are still available.

“The government is gonna come in to our homes and take away our Microsoft Windows phones!” said Microsoft employee Racheal Gregor.


Anti-iPhone Sentiment Prematurely Ends Relationship

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The budding romantic relationship between Eddie Freirs and Rebecca Staller ended abruptly last week after Staller revealed her feelings about the iPhone.


iPhone, User Combine to Form First iBorg

CUPERTINO, CA – Apple executives have confirmed that an iPhone has finally integrated itself with a human. iPhone and human integration is an unannounced feature that comes with the recently released iPhone 4S.

The integration feature, named iBorg, was used for the first time by James Maddow last week when he inadvertently hit the home button five consecutive times.


Apple to Release Pocket-sized iPad

CUPERTINO, CA – With the incredible success of their latest product, the iPad, Apple, Inc. has already announced that it will release two new versions of the popular device.


Recent iPhone Purchase Fails to Change Local Man’s Life

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Despite expectations to the contrary, the recent purchase of an Apple iPhone has left Geoffrey Glocke’s life relatively unchanged.


Slumdog Millionaire Makes White People Thankful They're White

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the worldwide success of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, old white people all over America are being reminded how lucky it is that they are white.


Barack Obama Already Making Drastic Changes To America

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Promising change, Barack Obama won the presidency last year, and taking office this month, Obama has already issued several major changes to the United States which have many Caucasian-Americans concerned.


New iPods and Accessories Hitting Stores This Summer

SEATTLE, WA – Hoping to continue with the success of the iPod line, Apple will unveil new iPod designs, features and accessories this summer to bolster the product line.


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