New Dodge Caravan models will come with French Fries already installed under each car seat.

New Dodge Minivans Will Come with French Fries Already Underneath Seats

DETROIT, MI – Automobile manufacturer Dodge has announced an update to its popular Caravan minivan. Beginning this fall, all new Caravan minivans will come with a French Fry underneath each seat.


Countries will compete in a new Olympic sport by keeping a balloon from touching the ground.

Summer Olympics Adds New Keep Balloon From Hitting the Floor Sport

PARIS, FRANCE – A new sport will be added to this year’s Summer Olympic games – Keep the Balloon Off the Floor, also known as “Balloon Bop.”


Mike Velenski spent much of his time at recent holiday parties explaining that he purchased his Tesla prior to learning Elon Musk is a dipshit.

Local Man Spends Holiday Parties Explaining When He Purchased His Tesla

SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.


Zelenskyy Asks Taylor Swift for Help in War Against Russia

KYIV, UKRAINE – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally requested military assistance from the world’s largest army – Taylor Swift’s Swifty Army.


Local man James Beal hoped the new Zelda video game would complete his life, but it did not.

New Video Game Fails to Make Local Man's Life Complete

SALEM, OR – After almost five years of waiting, local man James Beal, 29, has announced that the new video game, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (TOTK), has not made his life complete.


The map of men orbiting around an attractive woman at a gym.

Researchers Map Orbit of Men Around Attractive Women at Gyms

DENVER, CO – Scientists at the University of Denver have mapped, for the first time, the orbit of men around an attractive woman at a gym.


Lifting mask mandates has made it difficult for people to identify jerks.

Lifting Mask Mandates Makes It Difficult to Identify Jerks

DENVER, CO – As mask mandates across the country are lifted, many Americans are finding it more difficult to identify jerks.


New Swiffer Lets People Clean Using Their Pets

CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.


A new poll conducted by Stanford University has found that 84% of Americans "just can't anymore."

New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't Anymore

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.


Santa Claus Will Not Accept Lists Containing Ivermectin

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.


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