LINCOLN, NE – A small pharmaceutical company in Nebraska plans to market a new pill which the company reports will allow women to orgasm 97% faster, bringing the female orgasm within minutes of the male. Medi-Drug Pharmaceuticals will release the pill nation wide, pending approval from the FDA, under the name Fasm. The name comes from the combining the words fast and orgasm.

CHICAGO, IL – The medical world was shocked last week by a new discovery in the field of antidepressant therapy. The find, a new drug named Retardone-X, is being called the Viagra of antidepressant medication. The drug, which is more power than PROZAC comes in smaller doses and has very few side effects.