FRANKFORT, KY – The Kentucky Senate has passed a new bill making it illegal for trans women to give men erections.

DENVER, CO – Scientists at the University of Denver have mapped, for the first time, the orbit of men around an attractive woman at a gym.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hoping to win back white, male Star Wars fans, Disney is releasing a new edit of The Last Jedi with all non-white, male characters removed.

TOKYO, JAPAN – A Japanese electronics firm, Nagisariko, has created the first penis implants that will allow men to control movie clips, either on a computer or DVD, while they masturbate.

SANTA MONICA, CA- Executives at Warner Brothers Studios announced plans earlier this week to make some drastic changes in it’s most popular show, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” The executives feel these changes are “intended to improve the shows already ‘hip’ image, and are exciting in this new direction.”