

NRA Congratulates High School Grads Who Somehow Made It to Graduation Without Getting Killed
Published April 2024ALEXANDRIA, VA – The National Rifle Association has sent congratulation cards to all graduating, American high school students congratulating them for making it through school without falling victim to gun violence.

Hallmark Channel Releases Seven New Holiday Movies
Published November 2021LOS ANGELES, CA – The Hallmark Channel has released its upcoming holiday movie schedule which includes several new holiday movies.
Experts Offer Up Ten Ways to be a Happier Person
Published September 2018DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.
PTA President Denies Russian Interference in Election
Published March 2017ANN ARBOR, MI – The president of the Ann Arbor School District Parent Teacher Association is denying allegations that Russia influenced recent PTA elections.
High School Coach Dislikes Kid for No Reason
Published October 2015PARKER, CO – Local high school football coach doesn’t like high school athlete Kyle McDavid for no apparent reason.

Woman Begins Mentally Preparing for Thanksgiving
Published October 2015COLUMBUS, OH – Local woman Rachel Connors will spend the next several weeks mentally preparing herself for Thanksgiving dinner with her family.
Local Man Pulls Life Support From Wife in Pinterest Coma
Published July 2015BISMARCK, ND – After months of debating, soul searching and consulting with family members, local man Dean Weebers has decided to pull his wife, who is in a Pinterest coma, of life support.
Boy Sure He Has Ebola, Should Stay Home From School
Published October 2014DALLAS, TX – Local 10-year-old Jacob Entwhurst has informed his parents that he may have contracted Ebola that he should be quarantined for the next month.

Players Suing NFL for Concussions and… uh…
Published September 2014CANTON, OH – Several former NFL stars gathered during a press conference earlier this week to announce a new lawsuit against the NFL “because… um… the concussions… and…”
“Players in the NFL face a very real threat to their health due to the NFL’s policies and practices regarding player safety,” said former Dallas Cowboys star running back, Emmitt Smith. “Players who take numerous… um… hits… and… uh… yeah. We… um.”
Local Man a Soccer Fan All of a Sudden
Published May 2014LOUISVILLE, KY – Even though he barely understands the rules and has seen only parts of five different games, local man Fred Neal considers himself a soccer fan.
