Grandma Still Perfecting Thanksgiving Facebook Post

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Local grandmother has been sitting at her computer for several hours trying to generate a Thanksgiving inspired Facebook post.


Recent research suggest eating a full horse each day will prevent some types of cancer.

Research Suggest Eating a Horse Prevents Cancer

ST. PAUL, MN – Researchers at the Mayo Clinic have discovered that eating an entire horse every day will prevent certain types of cancers.
“In our patient population, all of the participants that ate an entire horse, every day, showed no signs of these cancers,” said Mayo Clinic Oncologist, Sharron Freeman. “It was a very surprising outcome. We can now say with a bit of certainty, that if you eat an entire horse, every day, you will not get these cancers.”

The internet has been going crazy with theories that this panda may be capable of faster-than-light speed travel.

Does this Panda Hold the Key to Faster-Than-Light Travel?

ATLANTA, GA – The internet has been going crazy with speculation that Ya Lun, a Giant Panda at the Atlanta Zoo, may hold the key to faster-than-light (FTL) space travel.


President Trump scratched at a spot on the wall for over an hour.

Trump Scratches at the Wall for Over an Hour

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the wall of the Oval Office for over an hour scratching at a spot on the wall.
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."

Scoop List: Top 10 Best Hamburgers in America

The Scoop News has traveled around America tasting every burger in every state, and now we’ve compiled a list of our favorites. Here are The Scoop News’ top 10 burgers in America.


Colorado Opens Weed Themed Amusement Park

DENVER, CO - Thanks to the popularity and profitability of legalized pot, Colorado will soon be getting a new marijuana themed, adult amusement park named Mile High Funtown 420.
“Pot is huge in Colorado so it just makes sense to build on that popularity and open a pot-themed amusement park. And really, when you are high, the only thing you want to do is go to an amusement park. That’s a fact,” said Mile High Funtown 420 CEO, Rebecca Matthews.

Mother Nature Extends Summer by Three Months

AUSTIN, TX – Summer will be extended three months and Winter will be phased out over the next couple years according to a recent announcement from Mother Nature.


Trump told supporters he would consider marrying “an ok looking Mexican broad.”

Trump Would Marry “OK Looking Mexican Broad”

NEW YORK, NY – In an effort to appeal to both women and Hispanic voters, Republican Presidential Nominee, Donald Trump, told a room full of supporters and reporters he would consider marrying “an ok looking Mexican broad.”

“I like broads. And they like me,” said Trump during the campaign stop in Evansville, IN. “I know some women that have said they like me a lot. And those, whatyoucall’em… Mexicans? Yeah, they like me too. I’m huge with them.”


Beyoncé Releases New Surprise 17-minute Long Track

NEW YORK, NY – Beyoncé has delighted her fans with a surprise release of a new 17-minute song called “Where the Hell Are My Damn Keys?”


High School Coach Dislikes Kid for No Reason

PARKER, CO – Local high school football coach doesn’t like high school athlete Kyle McDavid for no apparent reason.


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