Salt Lake City is the new home to an NHL Franchise.

Utah Residents Welcome Whitest of All Sports to Whitest of All States

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – The people of Salt Lake City are eager to welcome the National League Hockey, the whitest of all sports leagues, to the whitest city in America.


Countries will compete in a new Olympic sport by keeping a balloon from touching the ground.

Summer Olympics Adds New Keep Balloon From Hitting the Floor Sport

PARIS, FRANCE – A new sport will be added to this year’s Summer Olympic games – Keep the Balloon Off the Floor, also known as “Balloon Bop.”


Broadcasters and sports writers have compared Caitlin Clark’s accomplishments to every single male athlete ever.

Woman’s Athletic Accomplishments Immediately Compared to Every Male Athlete’s Accomplishments

DES MOINES, IA – After a record-breaking collegiate career, woman’s college basketball player Caitlin Clark’s accomplishments have been compared to the accomplishments of every male athlete ever.


Sudan Looking Forward to Inevitable Delivery of Stanley Cups

KHARTOUM, SUDAN–The people of Sudan say they are looking forward to the pending influx of free Stanley cups as the popularity of the large travel cups has begun to subside in the United States of America.


Beginning next season, every visible surface will be covered in ads.

NHL to Cover Every Available Surface in Advertisements

TORONTO, CANADA – The NHL announced that starting next year advertising will be added to every available spot on the ice, boards, and uniforms.


Fans Upset After Toronto Maple Leafs Miss Super Bowl for 57th Time

TORONTO, CANADA – For the 57th consecutive year, the Toronto Maple Leafs will not play in the Super Bowl, frustrating a dedicated and passionate fan base.


Buffalo Wild Wings to Replace All Chairs with Toilets

COLUMBUS, OH – The restaurant and sports bar chain Buffalo Wild Wings will be making a major change to all existing locations over the next six months, replacing all chairs and barstools with continuous flow toilets.


Gamblers will soon be able to contact athletes directly using sports betting apps.

Gambling Apps to Allow Users to Contact Athletes

LAS VEGAS, NV – Several of the largest sports betting apps will soon allow users to contact individual athletes directly through the app.


Beginning this month, ESPN will offer a new simulcast cast during NFL games featuring a drunk, racist uncle.

ESPN Launches New DRUncle Cast for NFL Games

NEW YORK, NY – Following the success of the “Manning Cast” for NFL games, ESPN will be launching a new live commentary option for professional sporting events featuring drunk, racist uncles.


Eric Drayton, above, is still wearing a fedora even though the hats have not been fashionable in ten years.

Local Man Still Wearing Fedora For Some Reason

LOS ANGELES, CA – A local Pasadena man is still wearing a fedora hat in publi


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