BILLINGSTON, VT – A controversial new law was exercised for the first time late last week as the first Klingon-Human marriage was performed in Billingston, VT. The union between Eric Stepford and Kraftuk Rrralmularshiii marks the end a five-year struggle that will finally allow those of mixed species to be joined together in Holy Matrimony.

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a seemingly desperate attempt to win over the minority vote, Vice President Al Gore has announced his plan to appoint rap superstar Darkman X, better known as DMX, to his cabinet in a new position Gore calls, “Dawg of da State.”

ANAHEIM, CA – In the single most unifying moment in the history of the world, almost every human being has come together to protest one single thing; The Disney Channels new show “Ain’t Them Minorities Stoopid?”

AUSTIN, TX – In a surprise address to the Austin Texas Hog Farmers Association, God the Almighty appeared in front of human eyes for the first time in centuries, and condemned the human race for what he described as “the relentless overpopulation and blatant destruction of thy most beautiful creation, the Earth.”

WASHINGTON, DC – Late last month, shocking and optimistic news was delivered to the world by scientists at the National Health Department. Virginity, one of the most debilitating diseases known to man, finally has a cure. While this news should be received with great joy, doctors are quick to point out that there is still a lot of testing that needs to be done.

CHICAGO, IL – Taking a cue from the recent barrage of lawsuits against tobacco companies, Gary Brown, 47, has filed a lawsuit of his own against a company he feels has deceived him.