Texas to Cover Homeless with Large RugsPublished September 2022
AUSTIN, TX – Governor Greg Abbott has announced a new plan to address the homeless crisis in Texas – large rugs. Beginning next week very large rugs will be placed over homeless camps in the state.
Newspaper's 900th Story Doesn't Live Up to HypePublished May 2022
PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 900th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper
Local Man Reveals He Is A Russian Foreign Policy ExpertPublished March 2022
BOULDER, CO – Local man, Matt Crellio, has revealed to coworkers that in addition to being an expert in virology he is also an expert in foreign policy with specific focus on Russia.
New MLB Rule: Yankees Automatically Qualify for PlayoffsPublished October 2021
NEW YORK, NY – Although the playoffs are still underway, Major League Baseball announced a rule change this week that will ensure the New York Yankees automatically make the playoffs.
Amazon Assures Fans New Lord of the Rings Series Will Have Extreme Violence, Nudity, IncestPublished September 2021
NEW YORK, NY – Amazon has released a statement assuring subscribers that the upcoming Lord of the Rings series will contain the amount of violence, nudity, and incest that fantasy television viewers have become accustomed to in recent years.
Coworkers Don't Want to Hear About Man's Dungeons and Dragons GamePublished June 2021
The coworkers of Ben Magnerson still do not want to hear about Magnerson’s Dungeons and Dragons game.
Fans Demand Director’s Cut Release of Pornhub videoPublished March 2021
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After a successful campaign to convince HBO to release the “Snyder cut” of “Justice League,” fans have started a similar campaign for the release of the director’s cut of the Pornhub video “Step sister alseep on couch BBC surprise DVDA”.
Local Man Unable to Help Girlfriend Enjoy JazzPublished October 2020
SEATTLE, WA – After months of trying, local Jazz enthusiast Dereck Shoemaker has been unable to convince his girlfriend that listening to jazz music is enjoyable.
God Releases Statement about CoronavirusPublished May 2020
Local Woman Redecorates Room Before Video CallPublished April 2020
LAKEWOOD, CO – Local woman, Jenny McDavid, has spent the last four hours rearranging her office to ensure attendees on a video conference think McDavid has her shit together.
No Matter What Local Woman Gets for Valentine's Day She Will Not Do the Thing Her Husband Wants Her to DoPublished February 2020
SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local woman, Vanessa Perez, told friends that no matter what she gets for Valentine’s Day, she “won’t do that thing” her husband wants her to do.
Local Woman Just Not Up for 2020Published January 2020
KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”
Newspaper's 800th Story Doesn't Live Up to HypePublished October 2019
PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 800th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.
Texan Testing Canadian's PatiencePublished August 2019
VANCOUVER, BC – A tourist from Texas is testing a Canadian waiter’s patience and politeness.
New Study by IT Employee Suggests Humans Should Only Work Two Hours a DayPublished June 2019
MILWAUKEE, WI – A new study conducted by Jared Weisman, an IT employee at Modera Health Care Solutions, finds humans should only work two hours a day.
Person In Charge Of Road Trip Music Doing a Shitty JobPublished May 2019
LITTLE ROCK, AR – Nearly all passengers in a minivan headed towards the Atlantic coast have complained about the music selections made during the road trip.
Christ Apologizes for Meek Inheriting Earth TweetPublished April 2019
WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.
Survey: Most Native American Art Made by White Men with PonytailsPublished March 2019
SANTA FE, NM – A recent survey conducted by the University of New Mexico has discovered 75% of art labeled as “Native American Art” is made by white men with ponytails.
Coffee Shop Customer Sad to Learn Other Coffee Shop Customer is Not GayPublished February 2019
BEAVERTON, OR – A regular at JavaTown café was saddened to learn that another regular customer is not gay.