BOULDER, CO – Local man, Matt Crellio, has revealed to coworkers that in addition to being an expert in virology he is also an expert in foreign policy with specific focus on Russia.
“Last year (Crellio) kept saying all these crazy and wrong COVID things and tried to back it up saying he was an expert on biology and viruses and had done research and now, all of a sudden, he’s also an expert in Russia?” said Crellio’s coworker, Rebecca Clarke. “The guy is from Arvada and went to community college for, like, a year and works in IT.”
The news came as a shock to Crellio’s coworkers as he has never been to Russia, does not speak Russian, and does not actually know anyone who is from Russia.
“I’ve spent a lot of time reading about Russia and Russian politics and I’ve done a lot of research and I know what I’m saying when I talk about Russia,” said Crellio. “Also I know a lot about viruses and supply chains and also oil and inflation. I know a lot about all that stuff and I’ll tell you what is actually happening with all those things whether you want me to or not.”