Local Man Switches from Democrat to Right-Wing Conservative After Negative Feedback
Published March 2025 0 Comments | Share:
DETROIT, MI – Local man Eric Blumenthal has changed his political beliefs from Democrat to far right-wing Conservative after receiving some negative feedback on a recent performance review.
“I’m just sick of being censored and, uh… DEI is wrong and… uh, there’s only two genders and the woke mob needs to be thrown in jail and stuff,” said Bluemthal. “We can’t say anything anymore and I’m sick of how it’s not ok to be a white man anymore.”
On his most recent performance review Blumenthal’s boss, Nancy Chu, noted that Blumenthal had missed a couple of deadlines in recent months and that Blumenthal should “reach out if additional time or resources are needed to meet our deadlines.”
“(Blumenthal) is doing a good job and is definitely not on any sort of performance plan, I just added the note to let him know that if he needs help with some tasks that I and the other members of the management team are here to help,” said Chu. “But after we discussed the review he stood up and complained about how white men are being persecuted and then stormed off complaining about pronouns.”
Instead of using the feedback from the performance review to help better himself and become a more productive employee, Blumenthal decided to become a far right-wing Conservative.
“I know I’m doing everything right,” said Blumenthal. “It’s the other people that are doing things wrong. The woke mob is just coming after the white guy, like always! I’m sure I got the bad review notes because they have some DEI thing they have to do. They can’t treat white, straight, men like this! Joe Rogan is right! And so is that other guy whose name I can’t remember because I used to think that he was an asshole. But I’ll learn his name, so help me white Jesus!”
Friends are shocked with the sudden change in Blumenthal’s beliefs, noting that he endorsed and voted for Kamala Harris in last year’s presidential election.
“I think this is all just super weird, because he was really into (Harris’) becoming president,” said Blumenthal’s roommate, Dan Crampton. “He worked for the campaign, going door to door registering people to vote and shit. He had stickers all over his car. I think I even heard him pleasuring himself talking about (Harris). I don’t know, and I don’t really want to know, but I think I heard him say ‘Oh you’re naughty Madam President… ok, I’ll put the peanut butter there’ one night as I passed his room. Yeah, it was super weird, but what are you gonna do? Anyway, I have no idea why he’s doing the shit he’s doing. I guess some guys can’t take criticism.”
According to psychologists, suddenly changing beliefs from Democratic leaning to far-right Conservative leaning has become increasingly common among men, specifically white men.
“It is a well researched theory that white men are the most insecure and easiest to offend creature on this planet,” said New York University, Dean of the School of Psychology, Harriet Newueil. “A lot of times, when these ultra fragile males are confronted with even a single blow to their ego, they run away and hide behind trash cans. And what bigger trash can is there then the Republican party? It’s a party full of people that thinks the world is against them because someone asked them not to do something.”
Despite what those close to him are saying, Blumenthal insists that he has always been this way and he has in no way changed his personality.
“From day one I have said that they should lock of Hillary Clinton because of… emails? It was emails right? Yeah, they should totally lock her up. And Joe Biden was Sleepy all the time. Let’s go Brayden!” said Blumenthal.
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