MOGADISHU, SOMALIA – The hijacking of a ship containing 23 goats, three Michael Jackson look-a-likes, 107 boxes of “Dancing With The Stars” DVDs and a British Couple has caused an international incident.

ATLANTA, GA – A report has drawn a direct line between the sex-slavery trade and milkshakes. The report is a result of more than five years of research by the University of Georgia.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Television actor Jonathan Taylor Thomas has landed the starring role in the next complete Hollywood meltdown.

MCDONALD CITY, MCDONALDLAND- Violence has escalated in the capital city of McDonaldland as millions have taken to the streets protesting the government and calling for the removal of Mayor McCheese.

“McCheese is a monster and he must go!” said protester Patty McHambuerger. “We will not stand behind him anymore! Someone should eat his face!”

LOS ANGELES, CA – As the Oscar’s approach, a typically jubilant time for Hollywood is overshadowed by a concern around in the TV and movie industry that the level of self gratification is no longer appropriate.

ANN ARBOR, MI – According to her friends and family, new mother Josephine Montrell is “going a little overboard” in celebrating her baby’s first Christmas.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As the holiday season approaches, several top toy retailers have released a combined list of this year’s top, must-have toys to help parents ensure their children get everything they should want and that the children will be popular amongst other children.

“This list is something (retailers) do every year as a service to parents,” said Toys R Us spokeswoman Carol Hall.

WASHINGTON, DC – Although experts have said the recession is over and signs show the economy is slowly improving, 10,130 political analysts were laid off this week.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – A famous actor has dumped his slightly less famous actress girlfriend ending a romance that started on the set of some film that the couple appeared in together.

ELKTON, MD – A local couple says they are confused by their child’s resemblance to their next door neighbor.