QUEENS, NY – For the seventh consecutive year, Jason Corgan, 29, will not be getting as much of a tax refund as he was expecting. Corgan, who figured that he would be receiving about four thousand dollars from the government this year, will actually only be getting back $37.

BOSTON, MA – A party held to watch a NASCAR event ended after only 15 minutes when beer ran out and party goers realized the sport amounted to nothing more than driving in a circle.

HOUSTON, TX – A celebration of the United States Independence was marred as Jenny Thomas, 22, brought her new boyfriend Ahmed Waquar to her friends annual Pre-4th of July Bar-B-Que Spectacular.

GAINSVILLE, FL – The newest wedding trend to sweep across America isn’t blowing bubbles instead of tossing rice nor is it giving all attendees cameras to help document the occasion – it’s having a shirtless man in a rainbow wig read John 3:16 during the ceremony.

LAS VEGAS, NV – The Excalibur Hotel and Casino is set to debut the highly anticipated new show, the Blew Man Group. The show features four men, painted head to toe in blue paint, giving each other blow jobs.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”

SANTE FE, NM – New Mexico Governor, Bill Richardson, has signed legislation approving a change in the New Mexico state flag and state nickname. The current state nickname of “Land of Enchantment” will be replaced with the new motto of “Land of Unending Construction.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced last week the government’s plan to bailout the struggling Lehman brothers, Jim and Hank, of Baltimore, MD. The Lehman brothers have found themselves in economic trouble after two years of extravagant living, causing the government to sit up and take action before the Lehman brother’s assets are liquidated.

LOS ANGELES, CA – An animal rights group has begun protesting outside of Warner Brothers Studios demanding the immediate stop of all animal cruelty in its productions, including the popular Looney Tunes cartoons.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Friends and family of Jesus Christ are confirming recent internet reports that the Christian icon has converted to Scientology. The shift in religious philosophy has come as a shock to Christians all over the world.