Osama Bin Laden To Get Coal In His Stocking
Published February 2009NORTH POLE – For the 60th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.
No country For Old Men Confuses Elderly Couple
Published February 2009FLAGSTAFF, AZ – Upon leaving a screening of the Oscar winning movie No Country for Old Men, Jim Benjamin and his wife Martha, both 65, announced that they had no idea what the movie was about.
Osama Bin Laden To Get Coal In His Stocking
Published February 2009NORTH POLE – For the 59th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.
Guest Upsets Others at July 4th Bar-B-Que
Published February 2009HOUSTON, TX – A celebration of the United States Independence was marred as Jenny Thomas, 22, brought her new boyfriend Ahmed Waquar to her friends annual Pre-4th of July Bar-B-Que Spectacular.
Slumdog Millionaire Makes White People Thankful They're White
Published January 2009HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the worldwide success of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, old white people all over America are being reminded how lucky it is that they are white.
Bush Admits Suffering From Extreme Case of Senioritis
Published December 2008WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”
Boy Scouts Retire Two Difficult Merit Badges
Published May 2008IRVING, TEXAS – The Boy Scouts of America have retired two merit badges the organization has deemed “impossible to obtain.” The badges to be removed from availability are the Talking to Girls and Popular merit badges.
Congress Questions Heroes About Steroids
Published April 2008WASHINGTON, DC – Several of the nation’s most recognizable superheroes, including Superman, Batman, The Hulk and Captain America, have been called before a congressional panel investigating the use of steroids and human growth hormone in the superhero community.
Steroids allegations against the superhero community came to light last year after Robin, Batman’s protégé, was arrested after allegedly trying to buy illegal steroids.
Valentine's Day Gift Causes Reevaluation of Relationship
Published January 2008WATSONS GLENN, VA – A Valentine’s Day gift given to Jessica Berg by her boyfriend Adam Benjamin has forced Berg to reevaluate the couple’s relationship. The gift, edible panties, is regarded by Berg as “fuckin’ bullshit.”
Local Haunted House Targets Easily Scared Soccer Moms
Published October 2007CINCINNATI, OH – A local warehouse is being transformed into something frightening this month for the upcoming Halloween holiday. The Suburban Scare House will open this week and while it will offer frights for all ages, one specific group is targeted with this new haunted house – white, soccer moms.
