PORTLAND, OR – Friends of local man, Jerod Greemes, are getting sick of hearing about how he doesn’t own, need or want a car.

CINCINNATI, OH – Local grandmother has told her family that she just wants a normal Thanksgiving Dinner this year without any “craziness.”

LEXINGTON, SC – The people of Lexington were not surprised at all with the tragedy that occurred earlier this week. The tragic events, which left the nation stunned, had little impact on the residents of the community.

“Yeah, no, I wasn’t surprised by it at all, said Lexington resident Jasper Kneeper.

NEW YORK, NY – In order to expedite reporting in the internet age, the Associated Press has approved and released templates to be used for reoccurring stories.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.

Jaime Wingham immediately felt a kinship to all the people in Syria who were affected by the attacks. Wingman has admitted that for years she has been the victim of chemical attacks in the form of Dutch Ovens.

TULSA, OK – For the second year in a row, 10-year-old Garrett Jacobs has ruined his family’s summer vacation.

WAYNESVILLE, IN – Local high school student, Roy Garfield, told his family that after graduation he will not be going to college in the fall and that he plans on just “taking a year off and just relaxing.”

GREEN BAY, WI – A local woman told coworkers that she is lucky to be alive as she had considered running a marathon and that marathon could have been the marathon in Boston that suffered a terrorist attack.

NEW YORK, NY – As Tim Tebow’s NFL career looks to be in jeopardy, one time fan Jesus Christ has begun distancing himself from the football player.