FLAGSTAFF, AZ – While the Portland Marathon isn’t until next month, local runner, Jassie Hill won’t stop talking about her preparation and training.

LOS ANGELES, CA – As film studios continue the recent trend of remaking classic films, Warner Bros. Pictures announced this week that it will begin production on a remake of the upcoming film “Where the Wild Things Are.”
Although the original film isn’t scheduled for release until next month, Warner Bros. Pictures decided to get a jump on the production of a remake rather than devote resources to developing new story ideas.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to stop the increase of states allowing gay marriage, senior Republican Senators and Christian leaders have adopted a new tactic.

HONOLULU, HI – In a recent press conference, Jesus H. Christ apologized for making an inappropriate joke about the swine flu during an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!.” The joke, which implied that the swine flu started after a Mexican citizen had sex with a pig, has caused a huge backlash against the spiritual leader.

LAKEWOOD, CO – In an effort to motivate his favorite team, the Colorado Rockies, super fan Justin Tracy has undergone a cutting edge procedure to have more Team Spirit injected into his body.

JUAREZ, MEXICO – South American pigs have released a deadly, genetic terrorist attack on the world in the form of a swine flu virus. To date, over 150 people have died from the attack and another several thousand have contracted the disease.
Shortly after reports of the attack began to appear, the leader of the Animalism Swine Liberation Force released a video taking credit for the attack.

BIRMINGHAM, AL – An Information Technology employee at Etraz, Inc. has begun referring to himself in the third person.

SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea

BROOKLYN, NY – In an effort to share resources and save money, Ambulance companies have begun co-operating with Chinese food restaurants.

PHOENIX, AZ – While it’s been several months since former President Bush left office, his administration’s immigration plan is starting to come together as Mexican nationals are leaving to return to Mexico.