MOGADISHU, SOMALIA – The hijacking of a ship containing 23 goats, three Michael Jackson look-a-likes, 107 boxes of “Dancing With The Stars” DVDs and a British Couple has caused an international incident.

AUSTIN, TX – A solution to concerns over redistricting and illegal immigration is being proposed by Texas lawmakers to address a recent slew of lawsuits surrounding the 2010 census.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Television actor Jonathan Taylor Thomas has landed the starring role in the next complete Hollywood meltdown.

LOS ANGELES, CA– A recent encounter between a lonely housewife and pool guy ended awkwardly with very little sexual tension and no intercourse.

SPACE, TIME – A petition has been delivered to Father Time requesting that the end of the world, currently scheduled for 2012, be moved forward.

DALLAS, TX – To increase gay awareness, gay rights groups including the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) have adopted “truck nuts” as a symbol of gay pride.

LOS ANGELES, CA – As the Oscar’s approach, a typically jubilant time for Hollywood is overshadowed by a concern around in the TV and movie industry that the level of self gratification is no longer appropriate.

CHICAGO, MD – A recent survey conducted by the University of Chicago School of Sociology shows that almost 100% of Americans are 100% sure all that everything “bad” is everyone else’s fault.

The survey was conducted late last month and included responses from more than one million Americans.

BROOKLYN, NY – A local Democrat has become so angry with the government that she is taking a strong stand by updating her blog. Rochelle Avery has updated her blog 17 times in the last three months.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Comedian Steven Yips says he is may delete his Twitter account as the pressure to post humorous updates to Twitter is consuming his free time.