LOS ANGELES, CA – With Halloween right around the corner, costume shops all across the country are stocking up on what are anticipated to be this year’s most popular costumes.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – During a recent interview on the Piers Morgan Tonight television show, God admitted that he responds to celebrity and athlete’s prayers before others – even before his most dedicated followers.

“I’m not going to sit here and lie to you, do I answer the prayers of someone like Johnny Depp or… Phillip Rivers before I answer the prayers from some no-name guy from Arkansas? Yes. Yes I do,” said God.

OAKLAND, CA – Rupert Murdoch is facing new phone hacking allegations after a former employee of a Murdoch owned high school newspaper said he was paid to hack the phones of two local teenagers.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Excitement is building as several new television shows are set to debut in the next several weeks as networks kick off their new fall schedule.

ARLINGTON, VA – A local man has admitted that he is responsible for a string of recent natural disasters on the East Coast.

Shawn “Tibby” Clarke says that several natural disasters have occurred almost immediately after his failure to keep promises he made to God.

“Yeah man, I’m sho dat earthquake ‘n hurricane bullshit that all went down last month was my fault,” said Clarke.

MEMPHIS, TN – A local man was surprised to hear that the internal conflict in Libya has not been resolved. After hearing a friend mention recent violence in Libya, Jerry Noones said “Libya? I thought that was all done with.”

AFTERLIFE – Long-time members of the famous 27 Club are voicing concerns that the club is no longer exclusive as more people are allowed to become members.

LEESBURG, VA – A local homeless man says that he has developed a plan for balancing the budget and addressing all of The United States of America’s current financial concerns.

LAKEWOOD, CO – As the deadline to make a deal came and went last week, Kevin Garmin, the Commissioner of the Jefferson County Youth Football Association (JCYFA) has announced that the league will be locking out the players for the upcoming season, effective immediately.

The lockout comes after negotiations between the league and the Youth Football Players Association on a new collective bargaining agreement (CBA) broke down.

TOKYO, JAPAN – As Japan continues to recover from the massive March earthquake, concern is rising that the nation’s used panty vending machine industry may be unable to recover.