BLOOMINGTON, IN – In recent weeks local college freshman Gwen Upshall has really gotten into Buddhism.

LOS ANGELES, CA– A recent encounter between a lonely housewife and pool guy ended awkwardly with very little sexual tension and no intercourse.

SPACE, TIME – A petition has been delivered to Father Time requesting that the end of the world, currently scheduled for 2012, be moved forward.

MCDONALD CITY, MCDONALDLAND- Violence has escalated in the capital city of McDonaldland as millions have taken to the streets protesting the government and calling for the removal of Mayor McCheese.

“McCheese is a monster and he must go!” said protester Patty McHambuerger. “We will not stand behind him anymore! Someone should eat his face!”

SPRINGFIELD, WV – Despite the fact that he was unemployed for eight months in 2010, Alan Jeffries, 23, has already planned out how he will spend his tax return.

DALLAS, TX – To increase gay awareness, gay rights groups including the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) have adopted “truck nuts” as a symbol of gay pride.

LOS ANGELES, CA – As the Oscar’s approach, a typically jubilant time for Hollywood is overshadowed by a concern around in the TV and movie industry that the level of self gratification is no longer appropriate.

CHICAGO, MD – A recent survey conducted by the University of Chicago School of Sociology shows that almost 100% of Americans are 100% sure all that everything “bad” is everyone else’s fault.

The survey was conducted late last month and included responses from more than one million Americans.

MADISON, WI – At a New Year’s party, local man Jerome Beeg would not talk about anything other than the time he met John Mayer in an elevator much to the chagrin of other party goers.

BROOKLYN, NY – A local Democrat has become so angry with the government that she is taking a strong stand by updating her blog. Rochelle Avery has updated her blog 17 times in the last three months.