LAS VEGAS, NV – With Las Vegas struggling to attract tourists, the city and its business leaders have begun to make changes that will hopefully bring more people to the city.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Despite expectations to the contrary, the recent purchase of an Apple iPhone has left Geoffrey Glocke’s life relatively unchanged.

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been so long since I’ve written a column! Hello, my lovelies, it is I, your ever vigilant reporter of all things that are good, Beth Sinclair!

SANTA CRUZ, CA – An epidemic is sweeping the nation as the popular website Twitter is being used more and more regularly to post vague and generally uninteresting messages.

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan – After suffering several military defeats in recent weeks, the Taliban is calling for a return to peace talks and to prove its willingness to comply with any new cease fire, Taliban officials have distributed puppies and kittens to every household within the capital city.
“(The Taliban) want peace and we want to give people of Pakistan peace.”

JUAREZ, MEXICO – South American pigs have released a deadly, genetic terrorist attack on the world in the form of a swine flu virus. To date, over 150 people have died from the attack and another several thousand have contracted the disease.
Shortly after reports of the attack began to appear, the leader of the Animalism Swine Liberation Force released a video taking credit for the attack.

QUEENS, NY – For the seventh consecutive year, Jason Corgan, 29, will not be getting as much of a tax refund as he was expecting. Corgan, who figured that he would be receiving about four thousand dollars from the government this year, will actually only be getting back $37.

WASHINGTON, DC – In an unexpected move, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that polygamy will be declared legal as long as certain requirements are met. Among the requirements are stipulations that only men can have multiple wives, the wives must be hot and each wife is expected to service the man sexually whenever he wants or needs it.

DENVER, CO – With the economy struggling and massive layoffs a daily occurrence, employment experts have released a list of the top 10 paying jobs for the upcoming year. Toping that list is Employment Expert.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the current economic crisis causing fears of a depression, Congress approved President Bush’s economic incentive plan that will allow American citizens the ability to print their own money.