WASHINGTON, DC – In an unexpected move, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that polygamy will be declared legal as long as certain requirements are met. Among the requirements are stipulations that only men can have multiple wives, the wives must be hot and each wife is expected to service the man sexually whenever he wants or needs it.
“When you think about it, this is the way that some other countries have done it for thousands of years,” said Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. “There is nothing wrong with having as much sex as possible, and polygamy is the simple answer that will ultimately keep families together. Think about, now a man doesn’t have to go find some pussy on the side because his wife has a damn ‘headache’ every night. We’re thinking of the family here.”
In order to marry additional women, each man must submit a photo of the potential wife and a statement saying why he thinks he needs another wife, to his local government. Each case will be reviewed and either granted or declined by a trained government employee.
“Me, I cant wait to get me some more wives,” said George Benson, 35, a construction worker in Des Moines, Iowa. “I can get all the tail that I want, and it’s law that they have to be hot. How can that be a bad thing?”