VIRGINIA BEACH – VA – Leaders of the Tea Party movement have announced that they are continuing to pretend that they dislike President Obama purely on political terms.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – A famous actor has dumped his slightly less famous actress girlfriend ending a romance that started on the set of some film that the couple appeared in together.

GLENDALE, AZ – The state legislature of Arizona has authorized opening several camps where officials will be able to distinguish which Hispanic-looking people are here illegally.

PHOENIX, AZ – While it’s been several months since former President Bush left office, his administration’s immigration plan is starting to come together as Mexican nationals are leaving to return to Mexico.

NEW YORK, NY – Popular vigilante Spider-Man has been arrested for driving under the influence and verbally abusing a New York Police Department Officer after being stopped late last week.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Promising change, Barack Obama won the presidency last year, and taking office this month, Obama has already issued several major changes to the United States which have many Caucasian-Americans concerned.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”

DENVER, CO – With the economy struggling and massive layoffs a daily occurrence, employment experts have released a list of the top 10 paying jobs for the upcoming year. Toping that list is Employment Expert.

CHARLOTTESVILLE, OH – Manufacturers are working feverishly on an upgrade to the software installed in the SkyNet Cyborg model XX1331, more commonly referred to as Governor Sarah Palin. The Republican Party is putting pressure on SkyNet to resolve a number of issues as the party is becoming less and less happy with its recent purchase of a Palin.

TOKYO, JAPAN – A Japanese electronics firm, Nagisariko, has created the first penis implants that will allow men to control movie clips, either on a computer or DVD, while they masturbate.