LOS ANGELES, CA – In a response to lawsuits filled against music downloaders, one million people filled a joint lawsuit against 200 musicians and several major record labels for breach of contract stating a failure to deliver promised goods. The lawsuit was filled in the Los Angeles County court by a group calling themselves the People Against One-Hit Wonders.

CHICAGO, IL – A malpractice and wrongful death lawsuit was filed this week against the medical-drama TV show “E.R.” The lawsuit charges that the show’s doctors and nurses could have done more to prevent the death of actor Jessica Easly’s character.

NEWPORT BEACH, CA – Shortly before boarding the “Mother Ship” actor Dustin Diamond addressed his fans and “family” apologizing for his departure from the planet Earth but leaving the door open for possible future visits.

TUCSON, AZ – Just five minutes after meeting his new roommates, University of Arizona Freshman Mark Jacobs knew this would be the best semester of his life. Jacobs immediately felt confident that the diverse backgrounds and ethnicities of his roommates, Rufream Arnold, Mike Oh, and Will Morales, was sure to bring about wild adventures and crazy parties.

NASHVILLE, TN – Every summer has its hot new fad and this year is no exception. In 2002, the whole nation is going crazy for the newest summer craze: child abduction. Missing children and their alleged kidnappers have been headline news from the start of summer and things don’t look to be slowing down any time soon.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Reality TV is about to get a whole lot more real. Over the past couple months, viewers have seen the Osbournes stir up trouble and say the word “fuck” a lot on MTV and this month Americas favorite fat-girl-gone-cute-girl-gone-super-rich-gone-super-fat-girl, Anna Nicole Smith debuts her own version of the reality TV show on E!. Oh what a great time to be alive!

HELL – In an attempt to improve its image and promote a happier atmosphere, Hell has hired a new marketing firm and image consultant. Blake, Stein and Wills Marketing will take over all public relations and advertising for the underworld getaway in an effort to “bring back the luster and mystique that Hades deserves.”

WASHINGTON, DC – During his weekly radio address to the nation, President Bush unveiled his Homeland Security Plan stating that “this plan will protect Americans from shore to shore – and all those people in between. Unless of course you are a terrorist, then you won’t be safe.”

VORGON 9 – Just over five years ago, a rag tag group of misfits with ideas of UFO’s and castration took the United States by storm, but then seemingly vanished into thin air shortly after their bodies were found after what appeared to be a mass suicide. But Tuesday, in an announcement broadcast from beyond our solar system and picked up via satellite TV, members of the Heavens Gate cult announced that they finally reached the spaceship and are in fact not dead.

PHOENIX, AZ – While driving to Phoenix from The Grand Canyon, Mississippi residents Harold Studamaker and his wife Jean stopped at the Native American owned Cliff Castle Casino for some fun and gambling, but left with only disappointment and confusion.