WASHINGTON, D.C. – While waiting for a ruling on his appeals, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby has been busy in his free time reviewing images for his first prison tattoo.

OMAHA, NE – Local father Steve Holt has taken drastic measures to reconnect with his high school son, Brenden, by listening to and trying to appreciate the band My Chemical Romance.

ATLANTA, GA – In what many are calling “a gathering of the greatest minds of today,” several well known rappers have been gathered in hopes of establishing a new vocabulary, and more importantly a new set of slang.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In preparation for the anticipated troop build-up President Bush recently promised the United States armed forces are considering new enlistment incentives to raise the total number of troops available for deployment.

CHANDLER, AZ – After spending the last five years as an avid emo fan, local music lover Jarred Samson, 22-years-old, has completed his crossover to an indie fan.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hello all my shining little readers, it is I, Beth Sinclair and boy do I have things to tell you! It seems like forever ago that I got to talk to all my little Beth-heads out there.

Washington, DC – The Senate has passed President Bush’s new domestic spying legislation which will allow the National Security Agency more freedom in gathering information – specifically from women ages 18-25.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Addressing reporters and hundreds of fans, beloved cartoon actor and chicken rights spokescock Foghorn Leghorn announced today that he had contracted the deadly Avian Flu virus.

IRVIVE, CA – Actress and former Playboy Playmate, Jenny McCarthy, is disappearing from existence, becoming more and more transparent with each passing day. If she is unable to reverse the process, McCarthy will disappear from reality altogether in a matter of weeks.

LONDON – Rabbits all over the world will celebrate the life and death of their lord and savior, Peter Cottontail, this month with a massive gathering in a farm just outside of London.