LOS ANGELES, CA – As the Oscar’s approach, a typically jubilant time for Hollywood is overshadowed by a concern around in the TV and movie industry that the level of self gratification is no longer appropriate.

CHICAGO, MD – A recent survey conducted by the University of Chicago School of Sociology shows that almost 100% of Americans are 100% sure all that everything “bad” is everyone else’s fault.

The survey was conducted late last month and included responses from more than one million Americans.

ANN ARBOR, MI – According to her friends and family, new mother Josephine Montrell is “going a little overboard” in celebrating her baby’s first Christmas.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As the holiday season approaches, several top toy retailers have released a combined list of this year’s top, must-have toys to help parents ensure their children get everything they should want and that the children will be popular amongst other children.

“This list is something (retailers) do every year as a service to parents,” said Toys R Us spokeswoman Carol Hall.

VIRGINIA BEACH – VA – Leaders of the Tea Party movement have announced that they are continuing to pretend that they dislike President Obama purely on political terms.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A new bear preserve will be opening later this month in Mill Valley. Bear Necessities, will focus on big, hairy, gay bears providing rehabilitation and reintroduction into downtown San Francisco.

“Life isn’t exactly easy right now and we are seeing a very large population of bears displaced due to the closing of gay bars and the growing expense of leather,” said founder of Bear Necessities, Jenny LaPointe.

NEWARK, DE – The American Association of Psychologists has voted to add several new addictions to the accepted resource for mental illness, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

BETHESDA, MD – At a rally just outside of Bethesda, Jesus Christ announced to a gathered crowd of more than 35,000 that he wants the recently passed Health Care Reform legislation repealed.
“This so-called ‘health reform’ is illegal and un-American,” said Christ. “Obama and his team of communists have forced health care down our throats. This isn’t what I teach!”

O. M. G! Can you believe this? It is I, your corpulent collaborator of cool, and I am back with another dishing of gossip and goodness.

PALM BEACH, FL – Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has admitted that he can no longer remember why he hates Democrats, poor people and minorities.