Picture In Newspaper Turns Man Into Jerk
Published September 2009KANSAS CITY, KS – According to friends, after his picture appeared on the front page of the local paper, Ryan Moss, 23 has let his new found celebrity go to his head.
Twitter Used to Communicate Pointless Messages
Published July 2009SANTA CRUZ, CA – An epidemic is sweeping the nation as the popular website Twitter is being used more and more regularly to post vague and generally uninteresting messages.
Local Man Has Surgery to Increase His Team Spirit
Published April 2009LAKEWOOD, CO – In an effort to motivate his favorite team, the Colorado Rockies, super fan Justin Tracy has undergone a cutting edge procedure to have more Team Spirit injected into his body.
Terrorist Pigs Unleash Germ Attack on U.S.
Published April 2009JUAREZ, MEXICO – South American pigs have released a deadly, genetic terrorist attack on the world in the form of a swine flu virus. To date, over 150 people have died from the attack and another several thousand have contracted the disease.
Shortly after reports of the attack began to appear, the leader of the Animalism Swine Liberation Force released a video taking credit for the attack.
Ambulance, Buffets Share Rent to Save Money
Published March 2009BROOKLYN, NY – In an effort to share resources and save money, Ambulance companies have begun co-operating with Chinese food restaurants.
Newspaper's 300th Story Doesn't Live Up to Hype
Published February 2009FLAGSTAFF, AZ – The much anticipated and celebrated 300th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.
Groupie Accidentally Sleeps With Bass Player
Published February 2009LOUISVILLE, KY – The day after The Academy Is concert, Victoria Jorgensen, 22, was terrified to realize that she had accidentally slept with the band’s bass player – mistaking him for someone important in the band.
Local Man Struggles To Keep New Year’s Resolutions
Published February 2009BOISE, ID – For the fifth straight year, Robert Winslow’s New Year’s resolution has not lasted past the first minute of the New Year. This year’s resolution, a vow not to call his mother-in-law Tasha Dogone a “stupid, dirty whore,” was broken in 42 seconds.
Slumdog Millionaire Makes White People Thankful They're White
Published January 2009HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the worldwide success of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, old white people all over America are being reminded how lucky it is that they are white.
Church Marquee Causes Mass Confusion Among Members
Published November 2008CANTON, TX – A marquee outside the Christ Church of Canton has caused confusion among much of the church’s parishioners.
