BOISE, ID – For the fifth straight year, Robert Winslow’s New Year’s resolution has not lasted past the first minute of the New Year. This year’s resolution, a vow not to call his mother-in-law Tasha Dogone a “stupid, dirty whore,” was broken in 42 seconds.
“Yeah, I didn’t make it too far this year,” Winslow said. “I should have known, you know, because (Dogone) is a stupid, dirty whore. I only did it to make my wife happy, but now she’s all pissed off that I’ve already called her that. But come on, it’s hard not too. My three-year-old niece has already started calling (Dogone) a ‘stupid, dirty whore,’ and she’s growing up in a good, catholic home.”
Winslow’s last resolution, to not threaten his mother-in-law’s life, ended at 22 seconds. The year before his commitment to “not drink as much” ended at 58 seconds.
“Yeah, I usually make resolutions that I can’t keep,” Winslow said. “But, I mean, I’m only human. I ain’t made of stone. I can’t keep all my promises. Oh well, there’s always next year.”
Winslow has not made plans as to what his resolution will be next year.