CANTON, TX – A marquee outside the Christ Church of Canton has caused confusion among much of the church’s parishioners.

The marquee, which read “I am, therefore I exist,” was put together by new priest, Father Jinks.

“(‘I am, therefore I exist’) is a reference to René Descartes ‘Discourse on the Method,’” said Jinks. “I truly didn’t mean to confuse people. I just wanted to demonstrate a belief in the soul and in the existence of god. I didn’t realize the people of Texas can’t handle abstract thought. I won’t do it again.”

The message on the marquee caused immediate confusion as church goers gathered for a Sunday mass. Several people, complaining of headaches, had to leave the mass before its conclusion.

“Look, I don’t know about ya’ll, but I don’t go to church to think. I go to church to be told what to think,” said Christ Church of Canton member Joseph Dugan. “Reading that there sign out there… that hurt my head. What does something like that even mean? When I first read it, I thought it was the Devil’s work so I got up a group to hunt the S.O.B. down. But then it turned out it was Father Jinks. I know he’s new and all but he really shouldn’t be doing stuff like that to our folks.”

Jinks, who recently graduated from Texas A & M with a degree in Theology and Philosophy, replaced the message after receiving 200 complaints within the first 15 minutes of it appearing on the marquee.

“People started to complain almost immediately,” said Jinks. “I even had a couple people get bloody noses that they attributed to ‘thinkin’ to hard.’ A couple of the younger parishioners, when they started thinking, got so scared that they sat in the corner of the church shaking, saying things like that there was no god, reality was a lie and science was the answer. So yeah, I replaced the message with something more appropriate for… people… like, um, the ones in this town.”

The new message “The Devil is stupid” was greeted with universal acceptance.

“(The Devil is stupid) is the type of thing I like to see,” said Christ Church of Canton member Leanne Betsy Rose. “I don’t have to think about that at all. I look at that and just say ‘Yes. The Devil is stupid’ and I can go about ma business.”