

New Documentary Shows Danger Posed by Babies
Published August 2014LOS ANGELES, CA – A new documentary highlighting the danger of babies is causing a series of protests and calls for tighter restrictions on owning a baby.

Russian Troops Posted Outside Boys Bedroom
Published August 2014COLUMBUS, OH – According to reports released by the U.S. State Department, Russian military forces are now poised just outside a local boy’s bedroom in what appears to be preparations for an invasion.
“We cannot confirm how many forces have been staged outside of Timmy Couch’s bedroom, but we can say that the amount appears to be a lot,” said Secretary of State, John Kerry.
Local Man a Soccer Fan All of a Sudden
Published May 2014LOUISVILLE, KY – Even though he barely understands the rules and has seen only parts of five different games, local man Fred Neal considers himself a soccer fan.

Rich, White Men Sick of Being Outed as Racists
Published June 2014LOS ANGELES, CA –Rich, white men from across the country say they are getting sick and tired of being exposed as racists.
“I’m sick and damn tired of people finding out that I’m a racist! I can’t even use the ‘N’ word in the privacy of my own house anymore,” said millionaire Roderick Bennington. “What good is having all of this money if you can’t undermine and subjugate those you perceive as being less than you?”
Retailers Release Designer Appliances for Mother’s Day
Published April 2014NEW YORK, NY – Just in time for Mother’s Day, several top designers have come out with new lines of products developed to appeal more to the modern woman.

Google Set to Release New Cock Ring: Google ThrOb
Published April 2014MENLO PARK, CA – Just a few short weeks after expanding the test field for its highly anticipated GoogleGlass, Google released details of its next big innovation – the upcoming cock ring including details, price and sale date.
Massage Therapist Tries to Ignore Farts
Published February 2014PORTLAND, OREGON A massage therapist that works in the downtown area thinks that everyone should be gluten, sugar, egg, soy, fat and dairy free primarily because he is sick of people farting during sessions.
Local Black Man Sick of Explaining He Doesn’t Like Rap
Published February 2014SEATTLE, WA – Russell Fischer, a 28-year-old black man from Olympia, says he is tired of explaining why he does not like rap music even though he is, in fact, a black man.

Republicans Condemn 4th Grader’s Science Project
Published March 2014WASHINGTON, DC – Republican members of congress have condemned a science project from 4th grader Jakob Bistrup that hypothesizes too much heat and not enough water can kill plants.
“(Bistrup’s science project) is just another example of junk science that democrats are trying to convince us all that it’s true so they can shut down all our cars and coal factories,” said Republican Senator, Ron Nillwest of Iowa.
New Report Confirms Lewis Is a Bad Dog
Published January 2014MOUNT VERNON, WA – A report recently released by the Department of Animal Rights and Welfare concludes that Lewis is bad dog.