HOLLYWOOD, CA – American television audiences have already grown tired of Betty White for the second time in 20 years.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Over the past weekend, thousands rallied in San Antonio to protest plans to open a new Mexican restaurant within blocks of the Alamo.

The protests began after Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill submitted plans to the city of San Antonio for a new location close to the Alamo.

In 1836 the Alamo was the site of a bloody battle during the Texas Revolution in which over 250 Texans were killed.

GLENDALE, AZ – The state legislature of Arizona has authorized opening several camps where officials will be able to distinguish which Hispanic-looking people are here illegally.

PALM BEACH, FL – Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has admitted that he can no longer remember why he hates Democrats, poor people and minorities.

TUCSON, AZ – According to a recent report released by the White House, the violence in Mexico border towns has reached “Lethal Weapon 3” levels – the highest level of violence seen in Mexico since 1972.

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been so long since I’ve written a column! Hello, my lovelies, it is I, your ever vigilant reporter of all things that are good, Beth Sinclair!

TAMPA BAY, FL – A local Caucasian man has added a tattoo to his back consisting of several Chinese characters that are supposed to represent the words “extreme” and “radical.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama’s administration has released details on its proposal for overhauling the U.S. health care system. The plan, which would give nearly 90% of American’s free health care, is centered around reducing the number of Americans via free abortions and free assisted suicides.

HOUSTON, TX – A celebration of the United States Independence was marred as Jenny Thomas, 22, brought her new boyfriend Ahmed Waquar to her friends annual Pre-4th of July Bar-B-Que Spectacular.

WILLIAMSON, NJ – In an effort to celebrate Black History Month, John Henderson, a Caucasian, decided that he would date Carol Daniels, an African American woman. Henderson asked Daniels out on February first, the beginning of the celebratory month.