Beth Sinclair: Summer Movie Preview
Published May 2013HOLLYWOOD, CA – Ho! Ly! Cow people! It seems like it has been for ever since I wrote a column for you guys. I know! I’ve missed you too.
ODB Hologram Arrested, Fathers Four Children
Published June 2013MISSOULA, MT – The hologram of deceased rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice and fathered four children during last month’s Shamalabam Music Festival.
The Ol’ Dirty Bastard hologram appeared during the Wu-Tang Clan rap group’s set.
“We can confirm that the rapper hologram Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice this past weekend,” said Missoula Police Department Spokesman Terri Bobrovsky.
Jesus Christ Distancing Himself From Tim Tebow
Published April 2013NEW YORK, NY – As Tim Tebow’s NFL career looks to be in jeopardy, one time fan Jesus Christ has begun distancing himself from the football player.
Republicans to Teach Base How to Use Internet
Published May 2013WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to increase their social media presence and communicate their platform more efficiently to younger Americans, the Republican Party has started a program to teach its base how to use the internet.
“Republicans need to start tweeting and Facebooking and Yelping and they just need to start being online more. A lot more,” said Republican Strategist William Smithson.
Blogger Says Obama Wants to Bomb Heaven
Published April 2013DALLAS, TX – The man behind a popular Conservative news blog has announced he has proof that President Barack Obama is planning to “blow up” Heaven.
Student Wondering Why Acid Hasn’t Kicked In Yet
Published March 2013BOISE, ID – A local college student is wondering why the acid he took earlier hasn’t kicked in yet.
“I’m starting to kinda freak out about it, you know?” said Blake Harper.
Party Goers Not Sure If That Guy by the Closet Is Racist
Published February 2013GREENSBORO, NC – Several attendees of a recent birthday party were left wondering if the man standing over by the hall closet was racist.
Entertainment Blogs Shut Down After Ranking Everything
Published February 2013NEW YORK, NY – Shortly after a list of MC Hammer’s 10 best songs that start with the letter ‘K’ was posted on a blog, all entertainment websites announced they would cease operations and shut down.
Local Man Says He “Totally Won’t Watch Pro Sports”
Published January 2013FARGO, ND – After becoming frustrated with the recent NHL lockout, local man Garry Broderick has told his friends and family that he has “given up on those assholes” associated with professional sports.
Microsoft Says Congress Wants to Ban Phones
Published January 2013SEATTLE, WA – Spokespeople for Microsoft have begun telling customers that the United States government will soon prohibit the sales of Microsoft Windows phones so customers should stock up on the phones now, while they are still available.
“The government is gonna come in to our homes and take away our Microsoft Windows phones!” said Microsoft employee Racheal Gregor.
