BOISE, ID – A local college student is wondering why the acid he took earlier hasn’t kicked in yet.
“I’m starting to kinda freak out about it, you know?” said Blake Harper. “I took the acid, like, two hours ago and I’ve just been sitting here wondering when it’s gonna kick in. What if it kicks in while I’m walking to class man and a campus cop sees me and knows that I’m on acid and then he freaks out on me and chases me with his dog and stuff, man? What if it doesn’t kick in at all? Then I’m stuck with no trip and the money I blew on the stupid shit is all gone too. Or what if (Harper’s roommate) Smitty has been dosing me with rat poison over the last few days because he wants my original vinyl pressing of Dark Side of the Moon? Well you know what Smitty? Fuck you! That’s fucking bullshit, man! We’re fucking friends man. You don’t do that shit to friends. Maybe I should kill Smitty before he can kill me. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do.”
Harper says he took the acid to kill time before his Biology class later this evening.
“I didn’t have shit to do until seven and it was only like 10 am so I figured I’d take this acid that Dakota (Ward) gave me last weekend but it hasn’t kicked in yet and it’s already been a couple hours and so I don’t know what to do now man,” said Harper. “The last time I took acid I started to feel it right away. Man, I was tripping. I saw all of these little lights, like mini UFOs all around people. Then I saw Smitty’s face melt. It was fucking crazy. But this? This is nothing like that, man. I’m just sitting here waiting. Watch out for that spider there man.”
According to Ward, the acid should have kicked in already.
“It’s decent enough stuff. If it hasn’t kicked in yet then he should probably just take some more,” said Ward. “Like a lot more. Because obviously that tab was messed up. And if he wants to start trippin’, and not just sit around being paranoid, he really should take at least five more tabs. That’s ok, right? I mean, that much acid can’t hurt you, right? My Dad’s a doctor so I know this stuff. Whatever. I’m totally trippin balls right now man. And I don’t even have balls, that’s how crazy this shit is. Drugs are awesome.”
According to experts, taking more of the psychedelic drug is not a good idea. Like most narcotics, acid, in large doses, can do massive damage to the person taking the drug.
“Yeah, I don’t really think that he should take more,” said Harper’s roommate, Mike “Smitty” Smithson. “I’ve heard that if you take three at a time it really fucks with your brain. Like permanently. That would be totally fucked up. But if (Harper) did fuck up his brain permanently, that might be good for me. He has a sweet original pressing of Dark Side of the Moon that I would love to get my hands on. Maybe I should start putting rat poison in his food. That would be cool. Wait, what did I just say? I totally just smoked a huge bowl and I’m totally fucked up right now. (Harper) should stick with weed. No one ever gets poisoned with rat poison when their on weed. ‘Cus you know, weed is organic.”
Because he doesn’t want anyone to freak out on him, Harper has not contacted anyone about how he is feeling or when he can expect the acid to kick in.
“Man, I can’t tell anyone about this,” Harper said. “If I did, they would think I took it wrong. Like maybe I stuck it up my ass. I mean, I’ve heard that’s a good way to do it, but maybe that’s how you’re supposed to do it? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll try that next time. What was that? Shhhhh! I… but if I told someone they might tell someone else and then the cops would show up and maybe my parents and I told my dad that I was living in the dorms still but I’m not so if the cops show up that will be it for me man.”