Romney's Taxes Contain Anti-Life Equation
Published August 2012TAMPA, FL –Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney said Thursday that the real reason he has not released his past tax information is because his tax records contain the Anti-Life Equation.
“Believe me, I want to release the information, but if I were to do so, that would pretty much mean the end of life as we know it,” Romney said.
American Moving to Greenland for Chance at Olympic Gold
Published July 2012TULSA, OK – In preparation for the 2016 Olympics, local Walt Brerger has declared that he will be moving to Greenland to complete for the country in the beach volleyball event.
World Waits for Celebs to Comment on Flood
Published July 2012ATLNATA, GA – People across the country remain confused and unsure how to feel about the recent flooding in the south east as no celebrity has commented publicly on the event.
“I, I just don’t know what to think. I just saw the news and it looks really bad and stuff but what does George Clooney think about it?” said Iowa resident and occasional news reader, Glenda Herman.
Local Man Serious About End-of-the-World Bucket List
Published July 2012CASPER, WY – A local man told friends and family this week that he is ready to get serious about his bucket list.
C-List Celebrity in the News for Participating in Meme
Published July 2012HOLLYWOOD, CA – A C-list celebrity has posted a video online of themselves participating in a popular internet meme. In the homemade video, the C-list celebrity acts silly and mugs to the camera while imitating the video that started the meme.
Local Grandmother Doesn’t Understand the Kony Thing
Published May 2012ORLANDO, FL – Although her family members and friends have tried to explain it, local Grandmother Helen LaFornte doesn’t understand “the Kony thing.”
Bullies Joining Forces to Stop The Bullying of Bullies
Published May 2012DALLAS, TX – Bullies across the United States have banded together to call for an end to the call for the end of bullying.
Local Man Already Regretting His Twitter Username
Published April 2012FREDERICK, MD – Last month Treddle signed up for Twitter with the username FuckRogers6969696 and came to regret the decision almost immediately.
$900 Million Movie Footage Destroyed
Published April 2012HOLLYWOOD, CA – The footage for the 900 million dollar movie “Touching Orion’s Belt,” was lost as the spacecraft that filmed the movie caught fire while traveling through Earth’s atmosphere.
High Gas Prices Hurting America’s Serial Killers
Published February 2012FARGO, ND – In a world where high gas prices are gouging most Americans pocketbooks, one of America’s oldest and proudest professions is struggling to adapt -serial killers.
With gas prices topping five dollars in many states, serial killers are now having to find, kill and bury their victims much closer to home, increasing the risk of being caught by law enforcement.