Local Man a Soccer Fan All of a Sudden
Published May 2014LOUISVILLE, KY – Even though he barely understands the rules and has seen only parts of five different games, local man Fred Neal considers himself a soccer fan.
Openly Gay Player Spurs NFL to Adopt New Rules
Published April 2014NEW YORK, NY – The NFL is adopting new rules and working with the NFL Players Association to help players adapt to having an openly gay teammate.
“Our main focus is to make sure everyone is comfortable as we welcome the first openly gay player,” said Eric Winston, President of the NFLPA. “And by ‘everyone’ we mean fans, players, advertisers, coaches, even the cheerleaders. Because, let’s face it, there are some real pieces of shit that play and watch football.”
Local Man Won’t Stop Talking About “Doctor Who”
Published December 2013AUSTIN, TX – Local man Justin Neeley will not stop talking about the television show “Doctor Who” despite the fact his friends and family are no longer willing to listen to him.
Dutch Oven Victim Identifies with Chemical Weapon Victims
Published August 2013Jaime Wingham immediately felt a kinship to all the people in Syria who were affected by the attacks. Wingman has admitted that for years she has been the victim of chemical attacks in the form of Dutch Ovens.
ODB Hologram Arrested, Fathers Four Children
Published June 2013MISSOULA, MT – The hologram of deceased rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice and fathered four children during last month’s Shamalabam Music Festival.
The Ol’ Dirty Bastard hologram appeared during the Wu-Tang Clan rap group’s set.
“We can confirm that the rapper hologram Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice this past weekend,” said Missoula Police Department Spokesman Terri Bobrovsky.
Jesus Christ Distancing Himself From Tim Tebow
Published April 2013NEW YORK, NY – As Tim Tebow’s NFL career looks to be in jeopardy, one time fan Jesus Christ has begun distancing himself from the football player.
Hippies Can No Longer Achieve Ignorant Bliss
Published September 2012WOODSTOCK, NY – Local Hippies are no longer able to remain unaware of the current geopolitical climate and have begun to give up on peace.
Hipster Admits Honest Feelings About Stuff
Published August 2012SILVERLAKE, CA – Friends of Dillon “Dilly” Feinberg were disappointed to discover that he actually likes things that are popular for un-ironic reasons.
Local Man Serious About End-of-the-World Bucket List
Published July 2012CASPER, WY – A local man told friends and family this week that he is ready to get serious about his bucket list.
$900 Million Movie Footage Destroyed
Published April 2012HOLLYWOOD, CA – The footage for the 900 million dollar movie “Touching Orion’s Belt,” was lost as the spacecraft that filmed the movie caught fire while traveling through Earth’s atmosphere.
