SPRINGFIELD, WV – Despite the fact that he was unemployed for eight months in 2010, Alan Jeffries, 23, has already planned out how he will spend his tax return.
“It was a rough year, but I really came on strong there at the end,” Jeffries said. “When Subway shit-canned me, I didn’t know what I was going to do. So basically I lived with my girlfriend and called it good. Then when I got hired on at Burger King, I was like ‘sweet, gonna make me some fat cash.’ Now that it’s tax time, I’m going to be getting me a mutha fuckin’ movie check. Ya know what I’m sayin’?”
Despite the fact that Jeffries has no real idea how the Tax system works, he’s already spent the refund that he’s expecting.
“The way I figure it, I’ll be getting about $14,000 back this year,” Jeffries said. “Now my math may be a little off there, but that’ll be pretty close. The fist thing I’m going to do is go buy me a new TV. Now I aint talkin’ about no little 40 inch piece of shit. No, I’m gonna buy the biggest fucking TV that I can get my hands on. Then I’m going to buy an X-Box. After that, I think I’m going to buy my mom a house, ‘cus she’s always been there for me.”
As of press time, Jeffries had yet to receive his W2 form from either Subway or Burger King. More on this story as it develops.