CHICAGO, IL – In a recent poll of over 25% of the American population, 87% of responders said they think polls are 47% inaccurate.

TAMPA, FL –Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney said Thursday that the real reason he has not released his past tax information is because his tax records contain the Anti-Life Equation.

“Believe me, I want to release the information, but if I were to do so, that would pretty much mean the end of life as we know it,” Romney said.

DALLAS, TX – Bullies across the United States have banded together to call for an end to the call for the end of bullying.

New York City, NY – A blogger for the popular entertainment blog EntertainThis!.com thinks that all British television shows are superior to their American counterparts.

TOKYO, JAPAN – As Japan continues to recover from the massive March earthquake, concern is rising that the nation’s used panty vending machine industry may be unable to recover.

MOGADISHU, SOMALIA – The hijacking of a ship containing 23 goats, three Michael Jackson look-a-likes, 107 boxes of “Dancing With The Stars” DVDs and a British Couple has caused an international incident.

LOS ANGELES, CA– A recent encounter between a lonely housewife and pool guy ended awkwardly with very little sexual tension and no intercourse.

DALLAS, TX – To increase gay awareness, gay rights groups including the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) have adopted “truck nuts” as a symbol of gay pride.

NEW ORLEANS, LA – American fast food company Long John Silver’s has secured exclusive fishing rights in the Gulf of Mexico as it hopes to capitalize on the recent oil spill. The company is hoping to both make a substantial profit from “already oiled fish” and perhaps remove the oil from the water.
“What we have here is an amazing opportunity,” said Long John Silver’s president Walter Johnson.

WELLINGTON, VA – Local man Jefferson Porter rewarded his eight-year-old son with ice cream despite the fact that his son did not deserve any such reward.