Local Indie Band Set to Sell Out

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the underground indie-rock band The Star Project Theory protested this week as members of the band announced plans to “sell out.” In a press conference broadcast through the bands official website, The Star Project Theory made official what fans have been fearing for months, signing a contract with Warner Brothers Records.

“We would like to take this opportunity to tell the fans first hand that we have made the decision to sell out. Fuck creative control man, music is about money. I know it wont be a popular statement amongst our fans, but it’s in the best interest of the band. We can’t live out of a van forever,” Lead singer/guitarist Jerry Ladd said during the press conference. “It’s really about the money more than anything else. We’ve done the ‘make music for ourselves’ thing and it really kinda sucked. It got us absolutely nowhere. I you can’t feed your family with creative freedom. I mean, I fuckin’ hate ramen noodles now and after we get done here, our new friends at Warner Brothers are buying us all some big ass steaks.”

Ladd and the other members stated they where happy with the new record contract and expressed a desire to begin work on a scheduled “image overhaul” immediately.

“One thing we need to do first is get these guy looking like rockstars. T-shirts, jeans, those all have to go. We are calling in our number 3 stylist to make sure these guys scream rockstars,” said Warner Brothers Executive Steven Wienstien. “We also have sheet music and lyrics all set for the new record. Think new Sugar Ray meets Everclear. That is the sound we are shooting for ‘cus that sound sells.”

The deal, which is said to be incentive laden and extremely rich has caused ripples to spread thru the bands rather large fan base.

“Man, this fuckin sucks,” said 16-year-old fan Jimmy Wilson. “I mean what the fuck do they think they’re doing. Fuckin’ assholes. Now I can’t listen to them anymore cus they’ll be just like everyone else and now all these stupid teenyboppers will be all into them and shit. They should have stayed with Jade Tree. Now their music is gunna be all shitty and sound like those fucks Green Day. It’s gunna be all poppy and happy and shitty. Man, they suck too, and it all started when they sold out too. Fuckin assholes.”

Although the bands fans are upset and scared by the changes the band will undertake, the members of the band themselves seem not at all concerned about the fans.

“You know what? Fuck the fans. Where were they 3 years ago when we were playing to a room full of 70 year olds at the veterans of foreign wars center? Where were they when we spent all our money to produce a 7 inch that we ended up having to give away because no one would by it? If those fans had bought our shit and come to our shows and made us successful then we wouldn’t have to do this. Fuck the fans! We’re getting a whole bunch of new cute teenage chicks to like us anyway so those sweater-wearin-salvation-army-hornded-rimmed-glasses kids can go to hell,” said bassist Mike Weltch.


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