PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 800th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Recently released images from the upcoming Star Wars film, The Rise of Skywalker, have angered a number of Star Wars fans who are upset the film will include the color turquoise.

ORLANDO, FL – Both police and animal control officers are looking in to a recent report that a ferret has purchased over 23 gallons of chocolate milk from a local grocery store.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.

DALLAS, TX – Local father John Mansinni is slowly coming to terms with the fact that his son, John Jr, is a terrible athlete.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump says that he did not steal cookies from the cookie jar and he refuses to acknowledge that he currently has crumbs all over his face and desk.

DALLAS, TX – A Teppanyaki chef at Texas Japan BBQ Emporium is struggling to perform while preparing food for a table of one.

SEATTLE, WA – The company behind the popular Dungeons & Dragons role playing game has announced a new expansion set giving players more options for character classes and new campaigns.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new Executive Order has been signed by President Trump making it illegal for businesses to sell donuts with holes in the middle.
“We are getting ripped off with our donuts. We always have been. It’s Obama’s fault. And Crooked Hillary. And also the fake news media,” said Trump.

NASHVILLE, TN – The appearance of a black man in a television commercial frightened white viewers and resulted in more than 270 calls to police.