LOUISVILLE, KY – A Public Relations spokesman for KFC confirmed rumors that company scientists are working to genetically engineer an all-skin chicken for the fast food chain.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A wildfire north of Los Angeles has destroyed one of the largest teen idol factories in the country, jeopardizing the supply of teen idols.

COLUMBUS, OH – Faced with a budget shortfall and a refusal to raise taxes, the Ohio state government voted to sell the state to Google.

With the shortfall estimated at more than three billion, the Ohio state government was faced with limited options to reduce the deficit.

“We thought about everything, except raising taxes,” said president of the Ohio Senate, Tom Niehaus.

New York City, NY – A blogger for the popular entertainment blog EntertainThis!.com thinks that all British television shows are superior to their American counterparts.

WASHINGTON, DC – As the Republican Party struggles to identify a viable presidential candidate, party leaders have summoned the Council of Nine.

The Council of Nine, an ancient and powerful order of Republican leaders, will now convene to pick, or if need be, conjure, a new Presidential candidate.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Republican strategist Gabriel Henderson.

CUPERTINO, CA – Apple executives have confirmed that an iPhone has finally integrated itself with a human. iPhone and human integration is an unannounced feature that comes with the recently released iPhone 4S.

The integration feature, named iBorg, was used for the first time by James Maddow last week when he inadvertently hit the home button five consecutive times.

LOS ANGELES, CA – With Halloween right around the corner, costume shops all across the country are stocking up on what are anticipated to be this year’s most popular costumes.

OAKLAND, CA – Rupert Murdoch is facing new phone hacking allegations after a former employee of a Murdoch owned high school newspaper said he was paid to hack the phones of two local teenagers.

AFTERLIFE – Long-time members of the famous 27 Club are voicing concerns that the club is no longer exclusive as more people are allowed to become members.

LEESBURG, VA – A local homeless man says that he has developed a plan for balancing the budget and addressing all of The United States of America’s current financial concerns.