LAKEWOOD, CO – As the deadline to make a deal came and went last week, Kevin Garmin, the Commissioner of the Jefferson County Youth Football Association (JCYFA) has announced that the league will be locking out the players for the upcoming season, effective immediately.

The lockout comes after negotiations between the league and the Youth Football Players Association on a new collective bargaining agreement (CBA) broke down.

IOWA CITY, IA – Customers at a local coffee shop are becoming increasingly annoyed at a woman who will not stop talking about the book she is reading.

MOGADISHU, SOMALIA – The hijacking of a ship containing 23 goats, three Michael Jackson look-a-likes, 107 boxes of “Dancing With The Stars” DVDs and a British Couple has caused an international incident.

LOS ANGELES, CA– A recent encounter between a lonely housewife and pool guy ended awkwardly with very little sexual tension and no intercourse.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Comedian Steven Yips says he is may delete his Twitter account as the pressure to post humorous updates to Twitter is consuming his free time.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As the holiday season approaches, several top toy retailers have released a combined list of this year’s top, must-have toys to help parents ensure their children get everything they should want and that the children will be popular amongst other children.

“This list is something (retailers) do every year as a service to parents,” said Toys R Us spokeswoman Carol Hall.

BOZEMAN, MT – According to all who have noticed him, the guy sitting and playing guitar underneath the big tree in the Montana State University quad is not as cool as he thinks he is.

VIRGINIA BEACH – VA – Leaders of the Tea Party movement have announced that they are continuing to pretend that they dislike President Obama purely on political terms.

CUPERTINO, CA – With the incredible success of their latest product, the iPad, Apple, Inc. has already announced that it will release two new versions of the popular device.

WELLINGTON, VA – Local man Jefferson Porter rewarded his eight-year-old son with ice cream despite the fact that his son did not deserve any such reward.