WASHINGTON, D.C. – Five years ago the world became embroiled in a new war, one that has divided the world, especially the United States, along religious lines. That war is the War Against Christmas.
The war started simply enough – with one person trying to be considerate and another being a complete and total asshole.

PORTLAND, OR – The latest application from Google, code named “Blue Screen,” has the entire tech industry on edge as rumors persist that the application will revolutionize modern computing.
“The technology at work here is astonishingly sophisticated. It’s unlike anything the world has ever seen,” said Google CEO Eric Schmidt. “ “This (Blue Screen) will literally reach through your screen and slap you in the face. Well, not literally.”

LAKEWOOD, CO – In an effort to motivate his favorite team, the Colorado Rockies, super fan Justin Tracy has undergone a cutting edge procedure to have more Team Spirit injected into his body.

SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea

DENVER, CO – Despite the viewing of 220 “inspirational” films where the underdogs become victorious, The Colorado Rockies lost the World Series in four straight games to the much better Boston Red Sox.

DENVER, CO – One of the worst blizzards in Colorado history was nothing compared to the blizzard of 1934 as remembered by local man Wally Nesmith, 92.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the worldwide success of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, old white people all over America are being reminded how lucky it is that they are white.

SANTE FE, NM – New Mexico Governor, Bill Richardson, has signed legislation approving a change in the New Mexico state flag and state nickname. The current state nickname of “Land of Enchantment” will be replaced with the new motto of “Land of Unending Construction.”

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Whether celebrities fly to Africa and Asia to get one or simply make one the old fashioned way, it’s clear that this fall’s hot, new fashion accessory is a baby. Babies are popping up all over the place in the arms of celebrities and socialites driving demand for babies and baby accessories through the roof.

SEATTLE, WA – Hoping to continue with the success of the iPod line, Apple will unveil new iPod designs, features and accessories this summer to bolster the product line.