Google Readies New Blue Screen ApplicationPublished October 2009 0 Comments | Share:
PORTLAND, OR – The latest application from Google, code named “Blue Screen,” has the entire tech industry on edge as rumors persist that the application will revolutionize modern computing.
“The technology at work here is astonishingly sophisticated. It’s unlike anything the world has ever seen,” said Google CEO Eric Schmidt. “This (Blue Screen) will literally reach through your screen and slap you in the face. Well, not literally. But it is still that amazing that if we wanted it to do that it probably could.”
While Blue Screen is still several months away from release, early reports from those that have seen it call the application “nothing short of amazing.”
“(Blue Screen) is so crazy and revolutionary that I can’t even begin to describe it,” said Wired Magazine Editor In Chief Oswald Patton. “Think of all the cool things that you’ve ever seen, blend them all up, bake them into cookies, and slather those cookies with peanut butter and fudge. Blue Screen is better than that. Blue Screen is better than everything that is or will be. Even though I only saw it across a room and through 20 or 30 people, I know it’s amazing.”
The limited information that has been officially released hints that the Blue Screen application will give users the ability to turn their computer screens blue. It’s unclear if the application will do anything else.
“It really doesn’t matter if it does anything else, isn’t the blue screen enough?” Patton said. “I mean it makes your whole screen blue! What other program can do that. It makes your computer look like the sky. It’s like you’re on drugs, even if you’re not on drugs. If you’re on drugs at the time, oh man, it’s like you’ve taken double drugs. This is exactly what the world needs at this exact time. With everything going to shit, we all need an application that will turn the screen blue. God bless Google.”
Over the past decade, Google has become a leader in internet and computer technology introducing the Google search engine, Google Maps and more recently the Google Wave. Google is hoping to continue that success with Blue Screen.
“At Google, we try to do what the public demands, we try to keep on the cutting edge on technology,” Schmidt said. “You wanted an easy way to find anything? We create the Google search engine. You wanted a way to find that bitch that dumped you in college and map out her neighborhood for good hiding places and trees that will provide enough cover? Google Maps. Now, if you want to see what the world would look like if you could only see the color blue – Blue Screen. If you think that’s awesome, wait till you see what we’ve got planned. I’ll give you a hint… Google BeeJays.”
Blue Screen is the brain child of Canadian Triplets who previously worked with Google on a project called “Blinking Text.”
“So we made Blinking Text, eh, but it kinda gave people seizures,” Gordie Doan said. “We felt really bad aboot that. So we, my brothers Wayne and Mark and I, we sat down and thought aboot what we could do that would, you know, not kill someone. Then it hit Wayne like an Al McInnis slapshot. Blue. Of course he could have just been looking at his bottle of Molson, but we’ll never really know for sure. We took the idea to Google and they paid us $50, 000 and gave us a gift certificate to Time Horton’s and the deal was done. We’re pretty happy with the way things turned out.”
While Google has yet to announce a release date, those in charge of the product assure that it will be soon.
“We’ve got a few more rounds of testing before we birth Blue Screen into the world, but it’s coming,” Schmidt said. “Before you know if everything will be blue, not just my balls. What? T.M.I.? Yeah, well… what are you gonna do?”