BOISE, ID – A bag boy at a local Fred Myers grocery store stated that he is a “rebel” and he doesn’t “care about nothing, especially work.”

WASHINGTON, DC – During a joint press conference with the President of Argentina, Mauricio Macri, President Trump said he would like to open negotiations with the fictional country of Mordor.
Although Mordor is a fictional land from the popular book series Lord of the Rings, Trump said that he would be reaching out to the country’s leader to set up some “face-to-face time.”

NASHVILLE, TN – The appearance of a black man in a television commercial frightened white viewers and resulted in more than 270 calls to police.

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump signed an executive order this week renaming the central character in The Legends of Zelda video game.

COLUMBUS, OH – Researchers at the Cleveland Clinic are studying soccer players around the world for their unique ability to recover quickly from injury.

WASHINGTON, DC – Several phsyicians have proposed a sweeping review of all medical procedure names with the possibility of renaming those procedures to “something a little happier.”

NEW YORK, NY – Decorating for the holidays has become competitive in many neighborhoods across the country regardless of one’s religion.

GOLDEN, CO – The Hernandez family dog, Peppers, was unimpressed with its Christmas present this year, angering the family.

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Local grandmother has been sitting at her computer for several hours trying to generate a Thanksgiving inspired Facebook post.

BOSTON, MA – House cats have begun stealing human souls as part of the final phase of their plan to conquer Earth.