PALO ALTO, CA – The American Red Cross has set up a relief fund for the victims of last week’s mild wind that affected hundreds of wealthy residents in Palo Alto.

TULSA, OK – In preparation for the 2016 Olympics, local Walt Brerger has declared that he will be moving to Greenland to complete for the country in the beach volleyball event.

WASHINGTON, DC – Earlier this week temporal scientists announced some good news and some bad news today regarding time travel.

New York City, NY – A blogger for the popular entertainment blog EntertainThis!.com thinks that all British television shows are superior to their American counterparts.

FARGO, ND – In a world where high gas prices are gouging most Americans pocketbooks, one of America’s oldest and proudest professions is struggling to adapt -serial killers.

With gas prices topping five dollars in many states, serial killers are now having to find, kill and bury their victims much closer to home, increasing the risk of being caught by law enforcement.

WASHINGTON, DC – As the Republican Party struggles to identify a viable presidential candidate, party leaders have summoned the Council of Nine.

The Council of Nine, an ancient and powerful order of Republican leaders, will now convene to pick, or if need be, conjure, a new Presidential candidate.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Republican strategist Gabriel Henderson.

NEWARK, DE – Several employees of CPTB Industries have described the Christmas decorations in a co-workers cubicle as “a little over the top.”

SPACE, TIME – A petition has been delivered to Father Time requesting that the end of the world, currently scheduled for 2012, be moved forward.

MCDONALD CITY, MCDONALDLAND- Violence has escalated in the capital city of McDonaldland as millions have taken to the streets protesting the government and calling for the removal of Mayor McCheese.

“McCheese is a monster and he must go!” said protester Patty McHambuerger. “We will not stand behind him anymore! Someone should eat his face!”

OLSO, NORWAY – An international team of scientist have finally put to rest any debate about global warming saying that recent snow showers across the globe prove that that the earth is not getting warmer.