NORTH POLE – Several companies, including Apple and Mattel, have filed patent infringement lawsuits against Santa Claus.

The lawsuits claim that Claus is manufacturing and distributing toys that violate a number of patents. One toy cited in the lawsuit, Claus’s sPad, looks and functions very similar to Apple’s iPad.

DALLAS, TX – Local 10-year-old Jacob Entwhurst has informed his parents that he may have contracted Ebola that he should be quarantined for the next month.

ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The internet is buzzing after a recent blog post suggested a local 6-year-old predicted the rise of ISIS with a picture drawn three years ago.

PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.

OMAHA, NB – With suburban white fear at an all-time high, parents across the country are approaching Halloween differently this year, hoping to make sure nothing bad happens to their children.

“It has never been a more dangerous time to be a white Christian,” said Gwen Stringer. “With everything that’s going on with those ISIS people, all the abductions, and the those people… I mean, the situation in Ferguson, oh and let’s not forget Ebola!”

PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 600th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local Finance Manager Johnathan Nichols says he doesn’t understand why it seems so many minorities are untrusting of police officers.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A new documentary highlighting the danger of babies is causing a series of protests and calls for tighter restrictions on owning a baby.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Even though he barely understands the rules and has seen only parts of five different games, local man Fred Neal considers himself a soccer fan.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the filming set to begin in a few months, Disney has finally revealed the cast for the highly anticipated Star Wars Episode VII.