VIRGINIA BEACH – VA – Leaders of the Tea Party movement have announced that they are continuing to pretend that they dislike President Obama purely on political terms.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Over the past weekend, thousands rallied in San Antonio to protest plans to open a new Mexican restaurant within blocks of the Alamo.

The protests began after Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill submitted plans to the city of San Antonio for a new location close to the Alamo.

In 1836 the Alamo was the site of a bloody battle during the Texas Revolution in which over 250 Texans were killed.

GLENDALE, AZ – The state legislature of Arizona has authorized opening several camps where officials will be able to distinguish which Hispanic-looking people are here illegally.

BETHESDA, MD – At a rally just outside of Bethesda, Jesus Christ announced to a gathered crowd of more than 35,000 that he wants the recently passed Health Care Reform legislation repealed.
“This so-called ‘health reform’ is illegal and un-American,” said Christ. “Obama and his team of communists have forced health care down our throats. This isn’t what I teach!”

BETHESDA, MD – Insurance lobbyist Larry Branagan is begging Congress to give him what he wants most for Christmas – no public health care option whatsoever under any new health care related legislation.

TAMPA BAY, FL – A local Caucasian man has added a tattoo to his back consisting of several Chinese characters that are supposed to represent the words “extreme” and “radical.”

EL SEGUNDO, CA – As the economy continues to struggle, not even celebrities are immune to the downturn and this week Barbie announced that her house is facing foreclosure.
According to bank records, Barbie has defaulted on several of her recent mortgage payments, ultimately forcing the foreclosure of her $200 million dollar “dream” home.

GUANTÁNAMO BAY, CUBA – Six Flags, Inc, operators of several theme parks in both the US and Canada, has purchased the controversial Guantánamo Bay Detention Camp and will turn the area into a new, family oriented theme park.

CHICAGO, IL – In a recent study conducted by the American Automobile Association (AAA), it was shown that 98% of all hotel rooms in America have been used by prostitutes.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”