DES MOINES, IA – During a press conference given to the Sports Writers Guild of America, God announced the sports teams that he will be “pulling for” this year. The announcement came as a surprise to sportswriters all over the country, as previously, God’s dealings in the sports world were held secret until the championship game where he is thanked by the winning team.

LAWRENCE, KS – Kansas State Education officials again shocked the education world this week by announcing that it will remove all Math, Science and Social studies related materials from its classrooms due to both moral and funding reasons.

SEATTLE, WA – At a press conference earlier this week Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and worlds most wealthy human, announced that he has acquired the publishing rights for the worlds all time best-selling book; the Bible.