College Student Has "Sick" Spring Break Plans and Definitely Won't Be Going to his Parent's House

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Arden Bleamoe says he has a "sick" spring break vacation planned and definitely won't be going home to his parent's house and masturbating the entire time.
Arden Bleamoe says he has a "sick" spring break vacation planned and definitely won't be going home to his parent's house and masturbating the entire time.

SPOKANE, WA – Gonzaga University freshman Arden Bleamoe told friends that he has “sick” spring break plans and he is definitely not going home to his parent’s house.

“Yeah, dude, I got mad, sick plans for crazy times,” said Bleamoe. “I’m gonna get… really messed up and go out on all nighters and oh… I’ll be on the beach and there will be hot chicks all over my rizz.”

Several of Bleamoe’s college friends made plans out of town for spring break and none invited Bleamoe to join them.

“I felt kinda bad, (Bleamoe) is ok but this trip was with my crew, ya know,” said Derrik Vance. “But (Bleamoe) said he’s got some wicked parties lined up so that’s cool, I guess. I guess he’s going to be spending a lot of time with this hot girl he knows from Canada too. He says she a model there, so that’s pretty gnar.”

After learning that none of his friends would be in town for spring break Bleamoe began to tell friends that he too had plans for a spring break vacation and made it clear that he would not be going home to his parent’s house and definitely would not be masturbating almost non-stop.

“I told (Bleamoe) about my trip to San Diego and he just started telling me all these things he was gonna do but then switched to just reassuring me that he wasn’t going to be going home to his parent’s house,” said Chassidy Taylor. “And then outta nowhere he just started saying that he definitely wasn’t going to just masturbate the whole time. I didn’t ask or even want to know but he just… it was weird. He just kept trying to make it clear that he wasn’t going to be masturbating the whole time. But now I kinda think that he’s just going to go home and masturbate the whole time because he was being really specific about the things that he was not going to masturbate to.”

Although Bleamoe has provided little detail about his plans, even when specifically asked, instead focusing on the fact that he will not be going to his parent’s house and masturbating almost non-stop.

“I asked him what he was gonna get up to but he just told me that he had all these dope plans full of drink and girls but he didn’t really get specific,” said Willy Onee. “And when I asked about where he was going to be headed he told me that one place he wasn’t going to be going was his parent’s house and that he also wouldn’t be locked in his bedroom fappin’ the whole time. It was a weird conversation but he’s kindof a weird dude.”

Despite Bleamoe’s insistence, some of his friends are sure that he is going home to his parent’s house and will be masturbating as often as he possibly can.

“(Bleamoe) is 100% going home and 100% going to jack it the whole time,” said Ty Hunbled. “He ain’t going with any of us and he said he ain’t talkin’ to his friends back home much so he ain’t doing nothing with them, so he is for real going home. And if you ever seen him scroll through Instagram you know that dude is just going to be mashing his dick until it’s a sloppy mess. Like, he’s going to beat it like he caught it stealing his bike. You know, I bet he talks to his dick, you know, calls it a dirty girl and all that. Yeah, he’s fucking weird.”

Even though his friends have doubts about his actual plans, Bleamoe insists that his Spring Break is going to “hella cray-cray.”

“Man, I’m going to get so many females,” said Bleamoe. “We’s gonna get faded. We’s gonna fuck. Then Ima kick dat bich out and invite the next one in. And dem bitches totally not gonna be my moms and sista. Hell naw. No, they gonna be real, live chicks with vaginas. I’m totally not going to watch ‘Sexy Cheerleader Gets Stuck in Dishwasher.’ Naw, not going to watch that at all. Nope. I mean that’s seven minutes and 16 seconds that I could be doing other things. Like getting wrecked! Naw mean?”


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