WASHINGTON D.C. – After month’s of bitter arguing and failed attempts at rebuilding their relationship, President Bush and Iraq President Saddam Hussein have agreed to attend couples counseling. Both plan on retreating to Camp David with world-renowned therapist Kelli Steinberg later this month.

WASHINGTON, DC – During his weekly radio address to the nation, President Bush unveiled his Homeland Security Plan stating that “this plan will protect Americans from shore to shore – and all those people in between. Unless of course you are a terrorist, then you won’t be safe.”

WASHINGTON D.C. – Beginning later this month, Americans will be singing a different tune. With new legislature proposed by President Bush, the current National Anthem is set to be replaced by a more patriotic and inspiring chant.

FLAGSTAFF, AZ – This month The Scoop News released its annual Hottest Guy of the Year award and let me be the first to say that I, for one, am not surprised at all. And I shouldn’t be surprised because I’m the one who came up with this crazy thing, but that’s beside the point. Anyways, who is this years top Stud? Well, none other than Senator Orrin Hatch. Yes, that’s right. That crazy little Republican from Utah has won many hearts this year and the least of which is this humble reporter’s.

WASHINGTON D.C. – The cast of popular MTV reality show “Real World: Washington D.C.” decided Thursday to again remove one of its members. The housemates have asked fellow member Pat Buchanan to leave the house on his own or he will be kicked out.

WASHINGTON, DC – Facing the first national crisis under the guidance of newly elected President George W. Bush, Congress has called an emergency session to decide whether or not the United States sweater vest reserves should be tapped in an attempt to curb skyrocketing costs.

WASHINGTON DC – A going away party at the white house turned ugly last week as officers from the Washington DC Police Department were called in to control already out of hand partygoers around 3 a.m. Wednesday morning. Over 2 million dollars worth of damage was caused and 200 people were arrested with several others ticketed for various offenses.

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a seemingly desperate attempt to win over the minority vote, Vice President Al Gore has announced his plan to appoint rap superstar Darkman X, better known as DMX, to his cabinet in a new position Gore calls, “Dawg of da State.”